Ted's Tours: Crashing and Splashing

I'm back! I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write about the next part of the trip. I got writer's block when it came to finishing the safari story but you will be so relieved to know that I have now recovered. I will be updating my blog pretty regularly with the remaining tantalizing tales of my trip (yes, the recovery came at the cost of puns and alliteration - I can't resist it, please bear with me).

We left off just after Victoria Falls where we had courageously braved Mugabe's political party to get to some wonderful afternoon tea and many scrumptious baked goods. After having narrowly missed Mugabe himself, we retreated to a remote campsite on the Zambezi before setting off for Botswana the next day. I cannot begin to stress the difference between this border post and the last one. The math will speak for itself.

Total time spent getting into Zimbabwe = 3.5 hours.

Total time spent getting into Botswana = 45 minutes.

Total number of incidents of people harrassing us getting into Zimbabwe = 89387492830429203

Total number of incidents of people harassing us getting into Botswana = -4392084932 (everyone was so lovely!).

To top off the Zimbabwe experience, the Zimbabwean border control guy we encountered when leaving Zimbabwe wore a shirt with the embroidered words: "I am not corrupt". I've heard when you embroider phrases onto items of clothing they immediately become true (*quickly runs off to sew "I will become a millionaire into every item of clothing I own*).

On arrival at our campsite, we found we had toilets (!), showers (!!), and WIFI (!!!!!!!!!!!!!). A stark difference to the night before. James and I didn't know what to do - so much technology, it was overwhelming. But our busy schedule did not allow time for mindless internet-ing, we pitched the tents and we were off.

Our afternoon plan was to find a boat tour and lazily wonder down the Chobe river. However, we were very nearly thwarted in our efforts. Before the boat ride began, Mike and Ted both decided that a boat cruise desperately needed snacks and beer (naturally) so we stopped off at a shop to buy these necessary supplies. Then...disaster struck. As Ted was pulling out of the car park, he backed into another car. I woudl like to pause here and mention that Ted is an incredibly good driver. The majority of the driving on this trip was done with no view out the back window because of bags and food, along roads in less than great condition, and occasionally swerving to miss an oncoming elephant. So - after an appropriate amount of time had passed - the irony could not be missed. The one time we were driving in an empty car (no restricted view), where there was no danger of wild animals jumping out at us, and no bumpy dirt roads to navigate, was the time Ted chose to back into another person's vehicle*. This man who was from Namibia/Zimbabwe/Northern Botswana was on his way to girlfriend/mother/employer got very angry (his story changed with each retelling). Luckily, after a quick trip to the police station and a quick phone call begging the cruise to not leave without us, we made it. And Ted got his boat cruise with beer.

I dubb this photo "All's Well That Ends Well".

The boat cruise was beautiful if a tad on the long side. Our guide/captain was obsessed with crocodiles** which was fine for the first one.

And the second one.

But when we missed some elephants coming down to the river to drink because our guide was showing us yet another crocodile, I got a little annoyed. As did the French family sitting behind me and James***. On our way back at the end of the tour, he also decided that our day would be desperately incomplete if he did not turn round to view the 6th crocodile of the day and make our 2.5 hour boat ride, 30 minutes longer. Don't get me wrong - it was beautiful and I loved being out on the water. But six crocodiles is too many. TOO MANY CROCODILES.

The rest of the cruise was absolutely lovely. And yes, I will admit it, made better by the snacks and beer. We got to follow a gorgeous, old, male buffalo as we lazily wondered down the hillside for a drink.

He was much more gracious than poor giraffes! It is the most endearing and awkward thing to watch. Giraffes bodies are just not made to allow them to drink easily, it takes them so long and looks so uncomfortable.

I think evolution made a mistake somewhere along the way but then just said "ah screw it - they'll manage somehow". After the giraffes, we got to watch all the hippos come out to graze. I have never seen so many - there must have been between 40 and 50 of them.

It was just a really beautiful afternoon, and a wonderful experience (minus the 11 crocodiles).

There will be more posts to follow soon now that I have started writing again! xx

LINKS to previous safari stories:

Part one

Part two

Part three

Part four

*There was so grumping and harrumphing but Ted did eventually come round and see the funny side of things.

**I hate crocodiles. Hate them. They are scary and make me uncomfortable. Plus they just look evil. Look at their eyes. EVIL!

***I only turned around to help translate for them about half way through the boat trip where they got such a shock that other people on the boat also spoke French. They'd be chatting away about all the other people in the boat, thinking that no one could understand them. The look on their faces was priceless.

#TedsTours #Family #Botswana